maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
