Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
