my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
