He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
