we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
