just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His hands were made for my vagina.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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