omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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