who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
