my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
