Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
