The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
