When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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