i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
