New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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