His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
