you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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