If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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