oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
