As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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