My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
