so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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