We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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