Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
