the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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