Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The feeling are messing with the penis
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
