I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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