the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
