im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
