hotel room ftw
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
