hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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