No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Let's paint friendship bongs
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
