Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My cat gives me a boner
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
