Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
home. puking in laundry basket.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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