He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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