I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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