Barsexuality is the new black.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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