At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
