I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
