ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
