I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
