I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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