im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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