she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
