she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
