I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
