thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
