you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
