Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Two words: blizzard sex
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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