he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
