i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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