Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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