I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no you cant smoke seaweed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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