he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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