Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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