Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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