You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
