I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
