if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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