Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he thought i was a dude.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
