My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
