he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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