When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
