There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
