you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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